Spoliarium

My family has a penchant for hating people. For blaming them.

My Mom occasionally blames my Dad for leaving us, leaving with her the burden  of raising her children all alone (yes, we are a burden, to some extent). My mom hates my dad. And she, in my opinion, has the right to do so (yes Dad, you are to blame).

My lola (grandmother) – Nanay is what I call her — hates my mom for not giving her some of her suweldo for the past few months. No, the fact that maybe my mom is having a hard time in the office (she recently quit her old job and just got this new one, still in a travel agency) does not cross her mind. Giving her some slack, because she does have two children to feed  does not cross her mind. All she thinks about is the money we’re spending every night, when my mom leaves the TV on as she sleeps, when I leave the light on in the kitchen as I leave. I think, she thinks money is easy to earn. I think this is because she never had a job as an employee. All she had was an ever-changing negosyo that never endured.

Nanay now hates her sister, who is currently boarding in our house for free. Cecil (that’s her name) has cancer. She does not have a family: she does not have a husband, or kids. (I heard she once had a boyfriend, who already had a wife. I think it’s because of that.) Nanay was the only one she could turn to. But all Nanay sees is the space Cecil’s occupying in our small house, the electricity she spends when she leaves the light on in my bedspace (yes, she sleeps on a mat beside my bed), the amount of time and water she spends in the bathroom when she takes a bath (she takes too long because, incidentally, she also washes her clothes there), and the unending call for someone else to do something for her (she calls for unsuspecting strangers, too, when she’s outside).

***

Sometime along living in this life, I have learned that hating others is useless. It is stupid (much like how praying is stupid). I learned that blaming others is useless and stupid as it is.

So you hate me, blame me for your problems. What are you going to do, emokid? Write a song about it?

It doesn’t matter who was responsible for your problems. Everyone has problems.

Well, maybe they do. But not as much as what you are going to do about them. Because not everyone acts upon their problems (and that’s a shame). And when they do, not everyone who acts, actually knows what to do. 

That’s why I don’t blame my dad for leaving us. I used it to make meyself stronger, to live through that certain obstacle in my life. I still think it wasn’t the right thing to do. You gave up, Dad. You gave up. I’ll never do that.

I don’t hate my lola for loving money and making her life revolve around it. I (try to) understand her — that, maybe, it’s an old perzns’ thing: Maybe her age is building up her ego, in a I’m-the-fucking-elder-here-so-respect-me-okay kind of way. I still think she’s the one who does not understand.

***

Remember,

Life is not about being fair.

It’s about surpassing the unfair reality

Surpass it, dumbass. Or are you too much of a fag to just whine about it instead?

***

That quote changed my life too much, I think. Whatever. It’s a good thing. Thanks, Mitch.

Jamming, to me, is an escape.

 Last October, I have jammed with friends from the Ateneo Musician’s Pool, or Ateneo’s music org, [aMp]. Specifically, with Martin Cusi, Ralph Deguzman, Happy Alampay and Ralph Aguinaldo. They’re practicing for a concert that they’re having this December, a kind of G3 Experience, and I was invited to fill in as the third G.

I already have a band. Burn Relief. I play in it as a guitarist. We play Alternative, and some Prog. And we haven’t played as a band in a very long time. I haven’t played, or jammed at least, in any band for a long time. And jamming like this is was like seeing a good friend again, after so many years.

It was nice, playing G3 jam songs liek Smoke on the Water, Foxey Lady, etc. It was very nice. Although, I’m too bano (unskilled) to be playing alongside everyone else.

But nevertheless, I had fun. I had so much fun that I realized that in the studio, I was completely happy.

I realized this not after Martin said to me, as we were on the way home,

O diba? Naisip mo ba si [state wimman's name here] kanina sa studio? Hindi!

He was right.

Jamming, to me, is an escape. 

In the studio, there are no wimmen who will break your heart.

There is only myself,

and Rock n Roll.

I don’t like Christmas. It’s not that I hate it. It’s just that I have a hard time enjoying it.

To me, Christmas has evolved to something more than just a religious celebration (because religion is too shallow, or vague, a reason to be celebration about). Christmas has become a sharing of blessings with loved ones. A time to give, and to recieve. A time to spend time with family.

Now why don’t I liek Christmas? I’m not sure. But my atheistic beliefs and principles do not have anything to do with it.

 When I was in third grade, my father uhm, left us. My mom had a hard time supporting my sister and I, ever since.

Because of that, I didn’t have the perks a typical young student like I am usually gets, like the computer, the cellphone, a fetcher, etc. In time, I eventually got a cellphone, but I’ve waited too long for that one.

So, basically, I’m.. financially challenged. Not completely, though.. It’s just..

Hmm. We all have talents (or do we?). I have a talent. It’s the talent for aesthetics. For art, for music. For recognizing beauty with my eyes and my ears. For creating beauty with my hands. Yes, I create beautiful things.

 But so do many other people. I study in the one of the most prestigious art colleges in the Philippines, and damnit, everyone else is good.  It’s not enough that I create beautiful things. I must create the most beautiful ones. The best ones. And everyone else is getting ahead of me too fast. Everyone else has the drive to be better. I do, too.. But there’s this problem.

This world is now being driven by technology. There’s a computer program for everything. There’s a digital side to every profession, and it’s leading this planet.

I want to lead this planet. I want to be the best. I want to do it honestly, without bringing down anyone else.

I could do so much more. But I am limited.

 So why I don’t liek Christmas?

It only shows how little I have.

It only shows how broken my family is.

 ***

But alas, isn’t this what makes me better? I can do all these things without formal training, without actually acquiring the proper tools. I could design good websites, do good CG, and I’ve never even had a computer all my life.

As a friend of mine, Mitch Venegas, has told me,

Life is not about being fair.

It’s about surpassing the unfair reality.

This is my unfair reality. And I’m surpassing it, alright. And I will continue to do so. So watch out.

Nung high school

akala natin, puro chicks sa kolehiyo.

May kaibigan ako sa Ateneo, nagkwento sa akin nang bumisita ako sa Katipunan:

Isang beses, nagrerecruit yung College Babble sa AHS. So, siyempre, kasama yung mga cheerdancers noon. Ang iingay nila o. Sabi nga nun isang kasama ko,

“TANGINA, anto-totoy naman ng mga ito. Parang ngayon lang nakakita ng babae.”

Natawa ako nang ikwento niya iyon. Si Paeng pa naman iyon, ang  payaso ng G2007.

Meron pa tuwing bibisita ako sa high school. Siyempre may mga kaibigan ako dun. Nagtatanungan sila lahat sakin, “Marami ba chiks dun? marami ba chiks dun?”

Sinasagot ko sila. “OO. ANDAMI. MAGSASAWA KA.”

Tangina, nakakaburat.

Nakakaburat naman pala talaga ano?  Lalu na kung iisipin natin na gaun din pala tayo dati..

May ipinakita sa aking blog ang aking kaibigan sa Ateneo.

http://akosiyol.blogspot.com/

at nang mabasa ko siya, lalo na ang entry na pinamagatagang “Mga Kabayo”, naliwanagan ako.

Mula ngayon, nais kong dalasan ang pagsusulat sa wikang Pinoy. Nakaligtaan ko kung gaano kaganda ang ating sariling wika. Ngayon, nagtataka ako kung bakit ko sinubukang iwasan magsulat sa wikang ito noon.

Ito na ako ngayon.

Ako si Lagim.

Ngunit, sa ma mahalaga, mas importanteng aspeto,

Ako si Gab Madrid

I passed all my subjects for my first semester!

I’ve been brooding endlessly for the past two months on a subject. All this time, I thought I’ll be failing and re-taking Design&Color for next year, making me lag for a year, disappointing my family, and the Imperial Concordium.

But then clearance came up, and revealed to me otherwise.

I then texted my parents about the good news:

Clearance says I passed everything. XD

And they both say something like.

OH, thank the LORD!

or

Anlakas mo talaga kay Papa Jesus!

Which left me wondering, was it really God who was responsible of this victory of mine? Let’s see..

I never prayed to him, to ask for his help or anything.

In fact, I don’t believe in Him.

Well, you might say, So? God loves you even if you’re a blasphemous heretic. That’s how much he loves you!

Let’s look at my picture in contrast of the Jews Hitler killed :

They we’re devoted to their Gawd. I’m sure they prayed to him every hour of everyday, knowing that they’re a situation of genocide, and they’re not the ones who are going to be left alive. XD

Yeah, I’m sure God loved them so much. XD

Wiki wrote:

David Shore has claimed that much of the character of House was inspired by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s iconic hero Sherlock Holmes. The comparison goes beyond the names “House” and “Holmes” and the brilliant minds balanced with disagreeable attitudes. Both are addicted to narcotics (House to Vicodin; Holmes to cocaine and opium), both have best friends with suspiciously similar names who ground them to the concerns of ordinary humans (Dr. James Wilson for House; Dr. John Watson for Holmes), both play a musical instrument (House the piano; Holmes the violin) and both have mysterious love interests in their pasts (Stacy Warner is to House as Irene Adler is to Holmes). In 2×07 - Hunting, it is even revealed that Dr. House’s apartment number is 221B, a reference to Holmes’ famous address at 221B Baker Street. Shore has also said he chose the title House (as opposed to such alternatives as Chasing Zebras) because he preferred the Holmes reference. In fact, Doyle’s inspiration for Holmes was a doctor whom he met while in the British military, who could supposedly diagnose patients without even meeting them, leading some to claim that House was not based on Holmes, but rather, Holmes was based on a real-life House. (See also: House, M.D./Gregory House.)

Speaking to a Mormon…
“You really think the guy who created heaven and earth cares what you put in your digestive tract?”
“Her dreams shouldn’t outrank my religious belief.”
“Why not? Her dream might come true.”

Later..
“You made a good argument.”
“Rational arguments don’t usually work on religious people, otherwise there would be no religious people.”
“You’re an atheist?”
“Oh yeah.. on Christmas and Easter, the rest of the time it doesn’t really matter.”
“Where’s the fun in that? A finite unmysterious universe?”
“It’s not about fun, it’s about the truth.”

http://www.skepchick.org/skepticsguide/viewtopic.php?p=120863&sid=cdb1436a15392bf48a4d7b692dc091f3

Are you a fundy?

check: Top Ten Signs That You’re a Fundy.

***

10. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9. You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8. You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7. Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

6. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5. You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4. You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

3. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

2. You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1. You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

***

Do tell if you’re a fundy.

Last Saturday, I had a meeting, a seminar of sorts, with (a very small portion of) the Wowenkho Team about silkscreening. It was useful, really, refreshing my memory on how to actually do the photo-emulsion process. And I also got to ask about prices regarding the items that I needed to produce shirt designs from silkscreen.

Mike was planning to make a simple Wowenkho design. How simple. Imagine a shirt that said:

WOW
EN
KHO
.COM

in big, fat, letters — Which was nice, really. Plain and simple, but effective enough to get someone curious about Wowenkho, and maybe get then to ask about it.

We could not exactly finish the deisgn. The silkscreen that we were actually making then always had some screw up. The emulsion won’t come out perfectly. It must’ve been that we weren’t exactly using a perfectly transparent template.

I bet you couldn’t relate.

Here’s my try in designing my own shirt. Click for larger image.

I need serious comments, please.

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